I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
