she was so not down for the gang bang
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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