I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize