i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
