he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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