Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
