When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
