Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
