I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize