I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
