Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize