piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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