this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
