Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
