remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just found puke in my bra..
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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