My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
