i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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