Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
