I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
