No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
