I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you had me at cake vodka
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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