If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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