im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
