Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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