A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize