I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
