is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
