He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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