I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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