He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
