Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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