i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
