Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
