It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
