your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
