i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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