yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
