Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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