I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
