I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
