she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
