i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
