Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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