i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
