Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
