just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
