I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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