why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
