I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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