I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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