If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
