clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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