Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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