Kiss
Puke
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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