Betty ford says i'm here all night
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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