he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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