You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
