i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I touched a dick in church today
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
