just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
