therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
