also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
