Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
