he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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