Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
