im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
