Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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