so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
