i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
